I Need To Lighten Up!

The day went by pretty fast yesterday at the office. We're down two doctors this week so I've had to find other things to do. It's nice to get away from my desk and change the scenery once in a while.

After work I went to see Counselor again. I asked her about co-dependency, because my doctor had told me I need to work on that. It's hard to explain, so I Googled the definition:
"As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment. It also is a psychological state where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave." Symptoms of co-dependency include controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, intimacy problems, caretaking behavior, hypervigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger) and physical illness related to stress.

That is me in a way, but kind of not. I know when Brother was having his drug/alcohol problem I tried to do everything in my power to stop it, and to make him realize that the girl in his life was a negative influence and was no good for him. My mom kept telling me he'd have to learn this on his own, and I couldn't understand why she wasn't doing anything about it.

The other situation that defines me is where 'a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave'. I am a person that aims to please, and wants everyone to think highly of me. My family is my first priority - I want them to see that I am a good girl, not a bad girl. This has affected my love life in a way, because when I meet someone the first thing I think of is "what would my relatives think" and usually look the other way. There is one person that I fell deeply in love with several years ago and we have been talking again recently. I have been tempted to spend time with him to see if he has grown up at all, but I am afraid of what my family will think. Counselor says I should do what makes me happy and that my family will accept me no matter what, but I can't help but wonder what will be said about the situation when I'm not around.

So my assignment this week is to do something fun every day until I see her again next Thursday. It seems I can't get out of 'work mode' and am not having enough fun. When I do have fun, I feel like I should be doing something productive such as cleaning my room, dusting, etc. Last night I went to Target with Joy and got a new bathing suit (which I guess isn't always that fun) and tonight I have a date. I'm open to suggestions for the rest of the week!